Report
from Farris, See & Co, Human resource Consultants
to
Jesus Josephson, Esq., "Carpenters-R-Us", Nazareth
We
have conducted in-depth psychological and aptitude tests and evaluations and
have investigated the histories of the 12 men you have chosen as the executive
team for your new organisation. We
regret to inform you that in our opinion you have, with one exception, picked
men whose education, history, work experience and aptitude are outside
vocational expectations for the sort of work you have in mind. Their experience of teamworking and
structured organisation creation is meagre and confined to unskilled manual
co-operation. In short, your choices are
not "officer calibre".
Specifically:
Andrew lacks leadership aptitude. Like his brother Simon Peter, he is
unadventurous and is neither a mover nor a shaker.
Bartholomew is so timid that he neither responded to our
questions nor were we able to discover anything about him.
Both
James Alphaeusson and Thaddeus have radical leanings, and
register highly on the manic-depressive scale.
The
brothers James and John Thunderboys, are prone to outbursts of enthusiasm. They lack social graces.
Matthew gave us identification problems. His original name was Levi, and he has been
blacklisted by the Israel & Judah Chamber of Commerce. The reason for this, we regret to inform you,
is that he used to be a licensed tax
collector. Ditch him at once.
Philip lacks the ability to respond to unexpected
circumstances.
Simon
Keen has not outgrown his militant student
radicalism. He is a danger. Sack him immediately.
Simon
Peter allows his personal interests
to outweigh loyalty to his superiors. We
regard his concern for his mother-in-law's well-being as excessive and
misplaced. He is unreliable and easily
distracted, and is unlikely to wish to work outside Jerusalem.
Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend
to undermine morale.
However,
there is one outstanding candidate. He
has a sound business background and a useful network of contacts in the Sanhedrin. He scored exceptionally highly in our
motivation and ambition tests. Consequently,
we unhesitatingly recommend that you appoint Judas Iscariot as your
Financial Director and Deputy Chief Executive.
He has the potential to succeed you when you hand over the reins of
power.
With
respect, we feel that your approach has been amateur. Leave personnel selection to
professionals. We would be very pleased
to offer our headhunting services and are sure that we could find high-calibre
staff better suited to your needs.
Unless you have competent management, your new organisation will never
get off the ground.
Yours
sincerely, Farris, See & Co.